There’s so much going on in the world, it can be quite a conundrum trying to figure out what to pay attention to, what to ignore, what to pray about, and what to mute. The recent #MuteRKelly movement is all over social media, and has been mentioned on the news as well. Check out this website for additional information about the movement: https://www.muterkelly.org.
Perhaps those who are either outside of the African American community and/or deciding to read articles about the movement are wondering how decades can go by, allegations can build up, and how, perhaps, one of their favorite artists could be capable of such acts. Let me go ahead and state that my blog will not be about the alleged offenses and abuse by R. Kelly, but more about how something like this could happen.
Every culture has those dirty little secrets that they choose not to address. Generational curses and commitments to secrecy. In families all across America, not just in the African American community, there are loved ones who have crossed the sexual line with their sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews, or their own children. The research can easily be found in you’re interested in this matter.
I know personally how a known predator could continue to be supported, accepted, invited in, and the victims expected to deal with it in silence and secrecy. In my family, it was an uncle. This uncle molested, raped and/or sexually assaulted, in some way, several generations of women and girls. It was widely known by the adults in our family that he was unsafe around kids, yet he was consistently invited to holiday gatherings, family functions, sleepovers even, when I was a child. Everyone knew his poison, except the little girls in my family, until it was too late. I am only aware of one instance where this uncle was being “sought out” by older family members after he molested me and other female cousins one Christmas Eve. I am not sure how old I was, but definitely under the age of 8. However, years would go by, many, many others would be molested, and/or sexually assaulted, and this uncle died a few years ago leaving many generations of women in my family without closure, without an apology from him, and left to find their own way to be cleaned from the residue of what happened to them.
I recall a conversation with a relative about sexual assault as a child and she said, “everybody gets touched as a kid. That’s normal.” I was utterly disgusted and appalled by this comment. Although she was speaking her truth and her beliefs, but to know that that is the reality for lots of little kids, so much so that her statement was presented as a truism was daunting. As if it’s synonymous to saying that everyone will hurt themselves as a child and need a bandaid. It was stated like a rights of passage.
So….if you’re wondering how anyone can still be supported, adored, funded, and celebrated for years despite allegations of misconduct and sexual abuse? It’s definitely possible because it happens in homes across this country! Kids are violated and told to forget that it happened, or told it didn’t happen at all, or living through it even as you read this blog. And in rare cases, like my family, even encouraged to continue to respect, accept, and honor a sexual predator because, “he’s your uncle,” despite known crimes against those who should be protected the most in a family: kids.
Again, I don’t know the ins and outs of the R. Kelly allegations and I am definitely not expressing my feelings about his guilt or innocence. Who else do we need to “mute” is what I’m challenging is to consider.
Much love city people!
“And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not perceive the plank in your own eye?” Luke 6:41 NKJV